Engaged couples prepare for marriage By Fabvienen Taylor
JACKSON — Prior to attending an Engaged Encounter in July, prayer was a private affair for Suzy McConnell and Tyler Robertson, both of Columbus.
“Engaged Encounter really taught us how important it is to pray together as a couple to make our relationship stronger. Praying as a couple really stood out for me that weekend,” said McConnell, 24.
Since then she and Robertson prayed together and like it. “We don’t do it so much now because we don’t live together. Praying is still a private thing. But I think that will change when we get married and start living together.”
When another engaged couple, Jennifer Rogillio and Dan Ratliff attended that Engaged Encounter weekend, their wedding date was set for early October.
“Engaged Encounter was really beneficial to us,” said Jennifer, 24, who admitted their expectations had not been high for the weekend marriage preparation program.
“But the format was really good. When a couple leaves after the weekend, they should know you either should get married, or you should not. That is what we brought away from it.”
They tied the knot three weeks ago.
In their individual responses to questions posed that weekend — from finances to fertility — the couple learned although they were not in lock-step, they were traveling in the same direction.
“We covered so many topics such as religion and children, all of the big ones. Our answers were not exactly the same but we were on the right path,” she said.
These two couples were among the 12 who attended the Engaged Encounter weekend in July at Camp Garaywa.
Engaged Encounter, a diocesan program, is an intense weekend offering each couple the time and opportunity to question, examine and deepen their relationship with each other and God.
Attending the weekend helps fulfill the Diocese of Jackson Marriage Preparation Policy for engaged couples planning to marry in the Catholic Church.
After a couple contacts their parish about getting married, the pastor has four choices for marriage preparation: Engaged Encounter, Catholic Charities’ When Families Marry, and two parish programs, Couple-to-Couple, or the priest can do the marriage preparation himself.
“It varies from parish to parish,” said Father Jeffrey Waldrep, judicial vicar, who directs Engaged Encounter, which is offered four times a year.
When Families Marry is offered five times on different weekends, he said.
Engaged Encounter should not be viewed as merely satisfying a diocesan requirement, Father Waldrep said.
“In looking at marriage, we hold up three values — fidelity, lifelong commitment and an openness to children. We feel we should help prepare couples for these lifelong values in light of all the challenges against marriage in the secular culture.
“We want to help them realize the sacrament of marriage is not just the day they get married, but to realize they will be living out the sacrament every day of their lives,” he said.
Through the program, couples can explore — as individuals and as a couple — their strengths and weaknesses, dreams, hopes and goals.
Over the weekend, 12 topics are presented from the perspectives of two married couples — one married under five years and one married over five years — and the church’s perspective given by the priest.
Topics run the gamut from sexuality to prayer to communication.
Effective communication between couples can’t be over stressed said Lois Senger, who with Arnie, her husband of 35 years, are a senior lead couple on the weekends.
“I believe in communication so strongly,” she said. “Sometimes things get bigger than life and sharing it with the person you love most in the world helps a concern or problem fall away. It is not as big and scary as it appeared.”
The Sengers are members of Clinton Holy Savior Parish and have three children and six grandchildren. They have participated in every Engaged Encounter weekend since 1994.
Their involvement, they said, has strengthened their marriage.
“To us it is a ministry,” said Arnie. “It is something we can give back for God blessing us in our marriage. We try to impart to the young couples, if they want marriage to work for them, they have to work hard to make it last.”
The July weekend was the third for junior lead couple, Richard and Ellen Robb, who attend Gluckstadt St. Joseph Parish.
Good memories of their experience with Engaged Encounter two years ago influenced their involvement.
“We thought it was just a wonderful idea for couples to sit down together, think about and talk about a lot of things they might not have before they get married,” said Richard.
Ellen said being a junior couple is fun for her.
“It’s fun meeting new people, seeing Lois and Arnie and Father Jeffrey. Couples need to know there are people out there to support them, people in their church and in their community. I just believe couples should try to stay married, even if it is really hard.”
Unfortunately, as evidenced by today’s statistics, over 50 percent of marriages in the United States end in divorce.
And Father Waldrep, as judicial vicar working with couples in declaration of nullity (annulment) cases, sees a lot of marriages that did not make it.
“There is so much pain, so much hurt, so much dysfunction,” he said.
Engaged Encounter weekends offer him a totally different experience.
“It is so refreshing seeing so much love, so much commitment and desire to want to do what is right,” he said. “I leave the weekend more affirmed and more grateful for the sacrament of marriage.”
